Living without knowing

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” When writing about something that I am afraid to write is such an interesting exercise.  One area that I am afraid to write about is that which I do not have the sense of knowledge or expertise. My fear is of being seen as ignorant or unlearned.   The  is as Emerson mentioned in his statement about belief that 'eyes of others have on other data for computing our orbit'.  It is most likely connected with a core belief that I might not be very bright or even dull witted.  The event that causes me to access this hidden belief about myself will often surface when someone responds or talks to me as if I am unlearned. The emotional response is anger, which may be masked by some smart come back or retort. 

Just this day I taught in a seminar that when we undertaking something to our limit of ability, uncomfortable as it may seem,  a greater capacity within ourselves enters our awareness.  In the words of my graduate professor, Dr. P.T. Teska -  The key to living well is learning to live not knowing

Is This Where I was Headed?

There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What would you say to the person you were five years ago? What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years?  (Corbett Barr) 

In what ever action I choose today helps determine who I will be in my future.  Those actions can be simple choices of food, drink, work, friends, reading material, flossing and the list goes on.  Too often we believe only the big decisions are the important ones, however it little ones made from a habit have great influence.  I would say to the person I was five years ago, "Thanks for choosing to leave the daily routine of a job that provided a known income to allow new possibilities to present themselves and staying on the healthy diet and exercise program. "  And to the person I am becoming five years from now, "I am excited for the emergence of today's dream!"

The Toothless Accuser!

Our arts, our occupations, our marriages, our religion, we have not chosen, but society has chosen for us. We are parlour soldiers. We shun the rugged battle of fate, where strength is born. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

My rational mind often seeks to make sense of things.  However, too often I opt for looking for the 'fatefullness' of a situation rather than seeking intellectual honesty.  Looking for that fateful meaning, I yield the genius part of myself.  The genius doesn't know the boundaries placed upon me by 'fate'.  The resistance is the toothless accuser that constantly reminds me of my limitations.  My dreams, imagination, and intuition are the tools of the genius. What do I create today?

Was it a Good Trade?

Life wastes itself while we are preparing to live. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Each day my goal is to ask myself the question, Am I willing to trade this day of my life for what I am planning to do?  At the end of the day, I reflect on the bargain that I made.

Today, with my grandson, I played checkers; planted pole beans; helped him learn how to operate a manual planter for seeding green beans; and we planted his speckled beans. We also followed the Kill Deer watching her 'wounded bird' ploy as she led us away from her nest and drank the cold water we carried in the knapsack.  What a bargain and investment, not to mention the pleasure and satisfaction.

The One Place

If we live truly, we shall see truly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Alaska is one place I want to experience.  It is associated with the dream and imagination of my youth.  I often envisioned being in touch with untouched creation and my untapped resources of adaptation and creativity living in this place.  The dream was in contrast with the sense of limitation that was seeming imposed on me by the culture seeking to 'better' me through appropriate behaviors and having the correct answers to questions I never asked. 

Growing up in Oklahoma heat of summer, I spent most nights sleeping outdoors.  Looking at the immense night sky, I became aware that truth was something so great that I could never fully understand and it was truth regardless who spoke it.  It stands on it own, not to be judged; and what appears to be truth in the present moment may be only a portion of a greater truth.  I concluded that I must always be open to knowing the greater truth challenging me to a lifetime of growth and learning.

Back to Alaska -  I choose to travel there during the next two years.  On the journey, I will be open to the dreams and imagination of my youth!