Thursday, April 21, 2011

Take Responsibility for Your Experience!

The truth does set us free, but it may hurt while the freedom comes. Taking responsibility for our experience is one of the points of personal power. Taking or owning responsibility for your experience in life is shifting from being the victim of others or circumstances to accountability. Relationships, health, financial status, professional woes are often blamed on life. Failure to accept our part in the difficult or disappointing situation causes one to seek a reason or story (rationalization) for an explanation. Blaming is the most frequent strategy. Anytime one begins to blame, responsibility for our experience is placed outside of ourselves, making us the victim. Being a victim is a denial of our personal power! Owning or admitting our role in the situation is the beginning of freedom.

In the process of taking responsibility for our experience underlying emotions and beliefs that have been a part of our lives become known. These emotions haven't been given their true voice and had to wear a mask to find expression. Hurt may well be the mask worn by a deep anger; a physical ailment may be the mask of resentment; or an obsessive/compulsive behavior may be the expression for an fulfilled connection with a significant loved one. "If it weren't for you" can be a self-defeating game that is played.

One classic expression of not owning our own experience is taking the responsibility for others experience. A parent often blames themselves for the choices and difficulties their children experience - long after the child has aged into adulthood. Another expression of owning someone's experience is "wanting something more for another than they want for themselves." So often owning another person's experience is avoidance of taking responsibility for one's personal experience and accountability.

Taking responsibility for your experience a full commitment to owning your experience. This maybe the most difficult step of the process. While we may own the part that isn't so objectionable, the ugly parts can be ignored or denied. So often individuals doing personal growth or change work seek to create a "new person" to replace the flawed one. Taking responsibility for your own experience is about owning the whole you, warts and all, that you are now! This step of personal power is acknowledging that you are enough, that your creator didn't make "junk", but empowered and equipped you to complete your destiny. As one owns their experience, openness to learning and support are welcomed. Being grateful and celebrating your experience is one expression of true freedom!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

A Fourth Point of Power

What do you want?  Such a powerful question, but yet is so marginalized with echos of mass mindedness.  Many wants expressed are those things we should want.  The 'shoulds' seem to be the reverberations of our sub-culture...peer group, family system, religious order, social organization.  What do you truly desire, something even beyond your perceived purpose in life?  What is that Vision? The vision coupled with our life purpose is the material that our Creator can partner.

Most adults lack the sense of real vision.  Some just desire a better job and becoming debt free --- arriving at zero.  Many more have a negative vision, knowing what they don't want, don't like...less grownup and more given ups!  Some have a diminished visions, always focusing on the means and the outcome or results---rationalizing a reason rather than realizing the vision.

This great point of power is expressed as Ask for What You Want! The whole of the universe - our Creator and fellow co-creators are waiting for your request.  What is your Vision, What is it that you Want?

Monday, April 4, 2011

Another Point of Power

In a recent blog I talked of two essential points of power, Tell the Truth and Pay Attention which allows one do bring to consciousness those limiting beliefs that creates barriers to creating things that matter most. The limiting beliefs that most share are rooted in a belief of our personal powerlessness and unworthiness.  Paying attention to and telling ourselves the truth about our current reality brings to our consciousness the behaviors and patterns that operate at a seemingly automatic level.

This awareness allows the clear opportunity to begin to create a new and healthier set of behaviors which gives a greater sense of purpose and meaning.  Awareness doesn't create the change; it can lead to more 'guilting', 'shaming' or other negative emotions.  Change occurs when awareness is coupled with commitment expressed as action. This new awareness with commitment can be referred to as discipline.  One operational definition of discipline is "giving myself a command and following it!" or a third Point of Power...Keep your agreements! 

I have often said that it seems that we keep an agreement with a stranger or casual acquaintance before we will with ourselves. Each time an agreement is broken, trust erodes and reinforces those structural conflicts within ourselves...personal powerlessness and unworthiness.  Discipline and keeping agreements with ourselves is essential.  As we discipline ourselves, a heightened awareness of our purpose and meaning expands which lead to another level of awareness that can be described as experience.  Only with experiencing a new behavior can the limiting beliefs be effectively overcome with a new and greater truth...our worthiness and power!  Tell the Truth, Pay Attention and Keep Your Agreements.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Points of Power

In a conversation with some friends today, I described the experience of growing up in a home with both parents who were heavy smokers.  I told of the times that our family of five, crowded in the cab of '40 Chevy pickup filled with smoke.  I remember the many times my father told me not to start smoking, "do as I say, not as I do!"  Confusing? a neurotic message? yes!  This is an example of structural conflict and manifests itself in many forms.  These structural conflicts hinder us from bringing into existence all of those things that are most important.

We all are products of our upbringing and taught our limitations. Many of these teachings have allowed us to survive but often over-function.  After being told we can't do or have things, we generalize an inability to have what we want. Two basic limiting beliefs permeate our deep structure; our powerlessness and unworthiness.  Strengthening our personal power lies in our willingness to look into this deep structure, and begin to "Tell the Truth".

The truth isn't just seeking the truth, but honestly seeking understanding of the ways we limit and deceive ourselves.  Learning to tell the truth about my current reality, which is dependent  on a second point of power, "Pay Attention".  This is the first critical task; recognizing the pattern and the resulting actions of the patten.

Next time you become aware of falling short of a desired want, stop take time to Pay Attention and Tell the Truth. Allow this truth to enter your conscious mind, bringing the structural conflict to honest examination. Is there a belief based on my unworthiness? my powerlessness?  What is the truth?

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Going Vertical

The path of least resistance is found in Horizontal thinking. This kind of thinking is constantly seeing approval and acceptance of others. Horizontal thinking values others’ opinions more than our own. Horizontal thinking accepts mediocrity as the standard. The fear of being alone or not noticed drives this kind of thinking.
The alternative to horizontal thinking is vertical thinking … working toward excellence in your life. Did you notice the word ‘working’? It is not working extra hard on what someone else wants or has told you to do. It is taking initiative to do the work you have decided that is worth doing. Avoidance is the watchword of horizontal thinking. By avoiding that idea or action that strikes fear in your heart you become boring, mediocre and invisible.
Rather than allowing fear to dominate your actions, allow fear to be that indicator of the importance of the work that you have chosen. In truth the work that really matters is scary! Excellence is a pattern more than a destination. Each moment, each hour and each day we decide to follow mass mindedness (Horizontal thinking) or trust our own internal guidance system (Vertical thinking). I challenge you to Go Vertical!
~ Russ